2 minute noodles…a recipe for divorce

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so goes an old saying. After the first flush of love…nay, after the first lust of love is over, what remains is how a couple look after their roost. While the man is expected to master the intricacies of shopping and help about at home, he expects his wife to look after their children as well as the child in him. Cooking delicious meals for the family is a part of the essential skills which a woman should possess. Of course, nowadays she is also expected to add to the family coffers by going out to work. That’s why women are the goddesses of multitasking.  But that is subject for another writeup.

A man married a suitable girl. She was a complete package, pleasant looks and good education. But what clinched the deal for him was the added information shared by his would-be father-in-law that she was a fast cook; that she could conjure up tasty meals within 2 minutes. Since he was a busy person he was impressed, now that he wouldn’t have to wait for the meals to be prepared.

On their first day together, after a night of frolicking under the sheets, she prepared the first meal, a breakfast in literally 2 minutes. A bowl of noodles! Being totally satiated in the night the man indulged his wife, thinking that she must be tired due to their antics. Then the fun began. A bowl of noodles followed for lunch and rounded off with yet another bowl of noodles for dinner.  And then the cycle continued every day.

Once the passion of early married life evaporated, the man was finally struck by realization. His wife was a one-trick pony. The secret of 2 minute meals was noodles and that’s all that she could prepare  to feed him.

Since she could no longer find a way to his heart through his stomach, he made his decision. He filed for a divorce. To his surprise and relief, the judge too believed in 2 minutes justice and the divorce was granted in a jiffy.

Last heard, the man is looking for a new wife and his only condition is for her to be a great cook serving a variety to the satisfaction of his culinary tastes.

Yatindra Tawde


Marriages or…mirages

First posted on #ArtoonsInn

The enticing aroma of coffee wafted across CCD, as l lost myself in the dreamy eyes of my wife, Priya. The hint of a smile curling her face was too alluring as i reached for her soft palms to take them in mine. 

Just then our order arrived and we untangled our hands in a hurry. As i  reached for the egg wrap, Priya rapped me on my knuckles. She picked up the egg wrap and lovingly extended her hand towards my mouth. Closing my eyes, I elongated my neck, imagining the egg melting in my mouth when…

“What are you doing, Rohit? Pay attention! I am already late for the office. Rotate the chapaati properly on the tava. It should nicely fill up with air, otherwise it will harden by lunch time”, she admonished.

As usual, I was day dreaming, mistaking a chappati being transferred on to the skillet, with an egg wrap being deposited into my mouth. And as usual the bai making the morning chappatis had taken a ‘sick’ leave leaving us with no other option. 

It was a nice and fluffy bed with soft pillows filled with feathers. A giggling, bubbling Priya started a pillow fight with me. She picked up the soft pillow and like a lithe shot putter, flung it at me…I grabbed at it and promptly deposited my shirt…yes, my shirt into the washing tub. 

Was I caught day dreaming again? “Rohit! I think there are 12 clothes. Take a spoonful of washing powder, it should be enough.”

“Hoy, Maharani!”, I said in jest. In reply, she threw another shirt at me to dip in the frothing tub.

Yes, i am sure you must have gathered by now that I love helping my wife in domestic duties. Or rather, the options have run out.

It wasn’t always so. 

When I was but a child, watching the weekly movie at the neighbour’s, I was enamoured by the love life of a film hero, who broke into a boisterous song or two, on spotting the cycle riding, shyly smiling heroine, always accompanied by a gaggle of giggling friends.

When they managed to get rid of those irritating friends, they ended up in a flower garden, dancing and running around umpteenth trees. I could never understand how two neighbouring flowers managed to caress each other whenever the hero,with a silly smile pasted on his face, got anywhere near the heroine.

After facing many childish obstacles, when they finally pranced hand in hand towards the sunset, the child in me was flushed with joy. That night, I used to dream of myself in the hero’s shoes. 

But the lie was exposed, and how. After the initial passionate flush of married life, I finally understood that a marriage is built from the building blocks of daily chores and mutual understanding to achieve those necessary tasks to keep the marriage engine running.

There! I have spoilt the romantic notions of a few unmarried individuals.


Many young men see the larger than life movies and imagine themselves to be the main protagonists living the high life, romancing some damsel in distress and when time permits, saving the world on the side. Of course, no one wants to be the protagonist in the ‘Contagion’ or other such disaster movie.

But this is exactly what has happened to many of them. However if they are not from the medical field or from the police or from the essential service fields, then they belong to the humble WFH category. 

WTF, they are either WFH or WAH category. While everyone knows WFH, which is, Work From Home, what is WAH, one might ask. 

While the Indian WAH, is an exclamation of admiration for something or someone, an English WAH is a cry of fright or a cry of distress. I remember that in the comics which I read in my childhood, a crying baby always had an expanding bubble pointing towards itself, which went ‘waahh…’, to show that it is crying.

So, in these COVID times, WAH is WORK AT HOME, a syndrome affecting all households due to the disappearance of the MAID. While the ladies of the house were equally affected, it really brought out the English meaning for their not so better halfs, atleast in India. 

In most households in India, where ladies are also the earning members, they were used to managing their household responsibilities with loads of help from the maids. However one fine day, the maids stopped coming and the ladies were cooped up inside the house with their not so better halfs. This was a recipe for disaster. 

While for both of them, WFH was manageable, it was WAH which stretched and tested their relationship to the fullest. 

While some of the not so better halfs remained on the disaster path of not WAH, many of them decided to, or maybe, were left with no option but to help their better halfs to WAH effectively. 

So this is a story of one of those who chose the second option and his discoveries around the house. A house he usually returned to, late at night to eat dinner and sleep, only to rush off in the morning, with a half eaten breakfast.

Discovery 1 – human beings shed hair more than their pets, and those hair are the most difficult to sweep from the floor. Such hair has the uncanny ability to jump over the approaching broom, with atleast two sommersaults and rush back to where it was resting in the first place. So there is no option but to pick up the hair between two fingers, which is easier said than done.

Discovery 2 – many things which you forgot, ever existed in your house, are to be found below the bed, especially if it is having a very low floor clearance. One of my friends found a cassette long after the cassette player had been dumped recently. 

Discovery 3 – sweeping the floor is a very good exercise, if done meditatively. If it is done superficially nothing good will come out of it. Neither the floor will be clean nor your haunches will be strong. But if you use the mop, your forearms will be stronger.

Discovery 4 – washing clothes in a washing machine takes loads of time, especially if you wait for it. My friend finished the entire Da Vinci Code by the time the washing was over. And then, untangling the clothes from each other was much more mysterious than untangling the plotline.

Discovery 5 – the progress from a map of a country to a round shape was hastened due to the lockdown. I am talking about the shape of the humble chapati. It is a much more intricate job than sculpting an idol from stone. But a few have already given up and delegated that job to their better halfs. While a few of them are happy with their foresight, when they had decided to buy that chapati making machine.

Discovery 6 – transferring the chapati from the board to the pan is another skill altogether. The first many times are spent in retrieving the chapati parts from the pan and reimagining them into another round shape. As some great personalities have wondered, why should it always be round and not any other better manageable shape. Randomness in shape is more welcome, after all, variety is the name of the game, when it comes to food.

Discovery 7 – keeping up the constant movement of the chapati on the pan is a very important aspect otherwise one might end up with eating a crunchy, hard one instead of a soft, easily munchable one.

Discovery 8 – one day, the time comes when your better half feels confident to pass on the fine art of kneading the dough to you. Please brace for this day, as it is bound to happen sooner than later. So there you are, trying to balance the atta and the water with just a pinch of oil, in exact proportion so that it progresses from powder stage to a dough stage, without much of overflow spillage onto the kitchen platform. One of my friends discovered that it has all the characteristics of clay, and when the better half was not looking, made the most hideous dolls from it. When she finally saw his shenanigans, a shriek escaped her mouth followed by a swoon to the ground. His temple still displays the bump, just above his left eye, where she swung the roller in her hand and made contact, as she went down.

So on and so forth the discoveries will go on. I welcome my fellow not so better halfs, to contribute their own discoveries and help the WAH club. Why, even the better halfs can contribute too.

Will you be the English WAH or the Indian WAH, that is the million dollar question.

Yatindra Tawde

A Cause for Stress

A Cause for Stress

Survey! Yes, that word once again.

A survey says that husbands cause twice the stress to wives than their children do. And that set me thinking; do I ever cause stress to my wife.

Let me ruminate on my married life…

I remember, since I crossed the age of 10 years, my aai used to say,”evdha ghoda zalay pan kadichi akkal nahi ali”. What she meant was I had become as big as a horse, but still the growing years were not reflected in my intelligence or my maturity. And this dialogue of my mother was repeated umpteen times till I got married.

And then the baton got passed on from mother to my better half. Take today’s example.

My Sunday morning was rudely interrupted by my wife “get up early! The bai is not coming so please pick up all the pillows and bed sheets”. And the watchman called to say “today there will be water cut after 10 o’clock. So the next farmaan by the better half, “go for your bath, fast”.

Being the dutiful husband, I scooted off to the bathroom. You know how the Sunday bath is… A lazy stay under the shower with lots of shampooing. But alas… No sooner had I spent hardly 5 minutes inside, when I am rudely interrupted by a stinging rap on the door, “what’s taking you so long? The water will be cut off soon and still myself and the daughter have to have our bath. Come out fast!!”

So the shampooing is cut short, and out I step after drying myself with the towel.

Let me tell you, after my bath, the wet towel drapes itself on the bed. All these years it has always found this place for itself. And today is no different.

And the consequences are not different too.

As I am combing my almost bald pate, a shout makes me jump on the spot and I lose a few more hair. “Yatin, why is the wet towel lying on the bed. So many times have I told you, but your towel is always on the bed”.

I hear but I pretend not to have heard. But the next warning is shriller.

So I have to go and pick it up and put it in the balcony to dry.

Now tell me folks is it my mistake that my wet towel likes to lie on the bed on a Sunday morning?

Like every Sunday I stretch myself on the sofa to read the papers awaiting a hot cup of tea.

And a hot cup of tea does reach me but it is served before me with a frenzy since I am then told to rush to the market for the weekly dose of non-veg, without which the daughter cannot survive on a Sunday.

Since Sunday is a yoga day for the better half, there is no option. So the hot tea vanishes into the throat, I get dressed and off I go to the market. It is either chicken or fish which usually satisfy our non-veg urges and today it will be the turn of the unfortunate fish.

Though we love our fish, we are not very choosy, it is either pomfret or the Indian Salmon (Surmai). So today we have salmon.

One thing I must say, the fish preparation by my better half is exquisite. And so we eat till everyone is satiated!

Then we proceed to that calming activity reserved for lazy Sunday afternoons-the afternoon siesta.

After a good 2 hour nap, I lazily got up, and what do I see, my better half has taken up her most favourite pastime- filing of assorted bills , bank papers, et al.

When I see her in this mood I get vertigo. Don’t get me wrong- I too am a strictler for filing of paper, only thing is that my files are not bound by any boundaries, they are all across the house.

The empty dining table can be one file, the various drawers are other files, some papers find their way into my office bag, so on and so forth.

So you can well imagine my anxiety about filling those free paper souls in a bounded file.

Poor bills and other assorted papers!

When these bills are lying about the house I can find them easily but when they get filed by the better half, the job becomes impossible. If I ask my wife where she has filed a particular bill, she too has forgotten!!

So folks, the same drama is repeated on most days. I really feel that I am the one who gets stressed in the above situation but the survey says otherwise.

Surprising, isn’t it?

Awaiting your honest feedback…

Yatindra Tawde