A ‘fart’ful life

The useful farts

In your childhood you indulged in them shamelessly and obnoxiously, without a care in the world. Some naughty friends held competitions; who managed it the loudest, with various permutations and combinations. 

As you grew older you learnt to hold them in, as society pressure overwhelmed all other pressures of the internal kind. However you weren’t always successfu, as they found escape velocity. If they didn’t make a noise, they announced themselves with a degree of pungency, leaving you with no place to hide. 

If there were more than two people in the room, at least you could put it on the next person. But all suffered equally though the originator suffered the least. Because he knew where it came from.

The generator was always ridiculed and the habitual one was derided and scorned at. The only safe place was his home, and the better half complained futilely. She had to bear the brunt of a few smelly, loud ones.

But guys, you no longer need to hide. Because research has proven that farts are good for your health. Now you can proudly do the needful as they help avoid cell inflammation making them live longer.

Hydrogen sulphide, that foul smelling fart gas, is naturally produced in the body, which could be a healthcare hero having significant implications in future therapies for a variety of diseases; or so says the research.

Of course, farts don’t cure cancer but are certainly good for your overall health.

So the next time, the wife complains, let her know this secret of your long, smelly life. 

Which proves that, not all research is useless. Sometimes it does throw up some funny, loud and smelly surprises. (But who thought of doing this study in the first place…)

Yatindra Tawde

A Cause for Stress

A Cause for Stress

Survey! Yes, that word once again.

A survey says that husbands cause twice the stress to wives than their children do. And that set me thinking; do I ever cause stress to my wife.

Let me ruminate on my married life…

I remember, since I crossed the age of 10 years, my aai used to say,”evdha ghoda zalay pan kadichi akkal nahi ali”. What she meant was I had become as big as a horse, but still the growing years were not reflected in my intelligence or my maturity. And this dialogue of my mother was repeated umpteen times till I got married.

And then the baton got passed on from mother to my better half. Take today’s example.

My Sunday morning was rudely interrupted by my wife “get up early! The bai is not coming so please pick up all the pillows and bed sheets”. And the watchman called to say “today there will be water cut after 10 o’clock. So the next farmaan by the better half, “go for your bath, fast”.

Being the dutiful husband, I scooted off to the bathroom. You know how the Sunday bath is… A lazy stay under the shower with lots of shampooing. But alas… No sooner had I spent hardly 5 minutes inside, when I am rudely interrupted by a stinging rap on the door, “what’s taking you so long? The water will be cut off soon and still myself and the daughter have to have our bath. Come out fast!!”

So the shampooing is cut short, and out I step after drying myself with the towel.

Let me tell you, after my bath, the wet towel drapes itself on the bed. All these years it has always found this place for itself. And today is no different.

And the consequences are not different too.

As I am combing my almost bald pate, a shout makes me jump on the spot and I lose a few more hair. “Yatin, why is the wet towel lying on the bed. So many times have I told you, but your towel is always on the bed”.

I hear but I pretend not to have heard. But the next warning is shriller.

So I have to go and pick it up and put it in the balcony to dry.

Now tell me folks is it my mistake that my wet towel likes to lie on the bed on a Sunday morning?

Like every Sunday I stretch myself on the sofa to read the papers awaiting a hot cup of tea.

And a hot cup of tea does reach me but it is served before me with a frenzy since I am then told to rush to the market for the weekly dose of non-veg, without which the daughter cannot survive on a Sunday.

Since Sunday is a yoga day for the better half, there is no option. So the hot tea vanishes into the throat, I get dressed and off I go to the market. It is either chicken or fish which usually satisfy our non-veg urges and today it will be the turn of the unfortunate fish.

Though we love our fish, we are not very choosy, it is either pomfret or the Indian Salmon (Surmai). So today we have salmon.

One thing I must say, the fish preparation by my better half is exquisite. And so we eat till everyone is satiated!

Then we proceed to that calming activity reserved for lazy Sunday afternoons-the afternoon siesta.

After a good 2 hour nap, I lazily got up, and what do I see, my better half has taken up her most favourite pastime- filing of assorted bills , bank papers, et al.

When I see her in this mood I get vertigo. Don’t get me wrong- I too am a strictler for filing of paper, only thing is that my files are not bound by any boundaries, they are all across the house.

The empty dining table can be one file, the various drawers are other files, some papers find their way into my office bag, so on and so forth.

So you can well imagine my anxiety about filling those free paper souls in a bounded file.

Poor bills and other assorted papers!

When these bills are lying about the house I can find them easily but when they get filed by the better half, the job becomes impossible. If I ask my wife where she has filed a particular bill, she too has forgotten!!

So folks, the same drama is repeated on most days. I really feel that I am the one who gets stressed in the above situation but the survey says otherwise.

Surprising, isn’t it?

Awaiting your honest feedback…

Yatindra Tawde