humour

Tu cheese badi hai mast…

“Tu cheese badi hai mast mast”, went the superhit song of the 90’s, which had Khiladi Kumar and Raveena Tandon gyrating to the lyrics. The spelling of cheese above is not a spelling mistake, it is deliberately spelled so, since it is the heroine of this story.

It is said that all living things, including trees, respond to various types of music, in different ways. While we have seen cats enjoying piano music, dogs have been known to headbang to rock.

Trees respond to music too, and Indian classical has been proved to help the plants to thrive. However, certain research says that trees or plants respond to the vibrations produced by music.

Taking inspiration from above I decided to study the effects of music on cheese; I was very eager to know how the flavour and ripening of cheese would respond to different frequencies of musical sound.

So I went to the mall and bought 8 packets of cheese. After coming home the cheese was gently escorted out of the packs and kept on 8 wooden dishes seperately.

Then eight pairs of earphones were placed surrounding each wooden dish. Lot of thought went into the selection of eight types of music.

One dish of cheese wiggled itself to Elvis Presley while Beetles serenaded another.

While Country Music took it back to its country roots, afrobeat shook it up to its core.

Jazz was music to its core, and Folk music welled up its eyes.

The cheese really thrived in Indian classical, growing in size and spilling beyond the borders of the wooden dish.

But when I played it, its namesake song, “tu cheese badi hai mast mast…”, and tasted, I slurped my fingers; it has a strong flavour. Perhaps it was influenced by the pair of handsome specimen who wiggled their booty seductively.

You would think I have lost my mind but no.

Recently a team of researchers, who, usually don’t have anything productive to do, conducted an exactly similar experiment.

The team used mini transmitters to diffuse the musical energy into the cheese and this experiment went on for 6 months for the results to be concluded and finally the results were announced.

The cheese exposed to Mozart had a milder taste, but it was the cheese exposed to hip-hop which had a tangy flavour.

Hope, further research doesn’t say that the Gully boy binges on tangy cheese. Or the Classical wizard is a connoisseur of mild cheese…

Yatindra Tawde

humour

The chicken and egg story

What came first?

Chicken or the egg?

I read that researchers have concluded on this age old question. Till now I had always thought that this is just an English idiom to describe what caused what…

I was most surprised that this can be a subject of research. I mean researchers are actually trying to find out what came first…the chicken or the egg. And the researchers have concluded that the chicken came first, since the protein which makes up the egg shell comes only from the chicken.

That had me stumped. After all, it could not have come from humans. And why can’t the egg have come first, since the chicken evolved much later, much later than the dinosaurs, who laid eggs!

Why would some researcher spend his precious time to get an answer for this question. What benefit can be derived for mankind by finding out whether it was the chicken or the egg. But then , in the western hemisphere, they do research on everything under the sun…and beyond.

For example, someone did a research on how long does it take for cow dung to dry out. Now how could that be of any benefit to anyone, including the cows? But then research goes on. It goes on because sometimes it leads to a breakthrough in totally unrelated areas.

For e.g. Few years back there was research on how geckos can walk on walls without falling. They found that there are Nano hairs on their feet which work like Velcro, and this finding helped the researchers develop a stickier, reusable self adhesive tape. So now we know for sure, what came first. The naturally sticky gecko feet came first, before the reusable adhesive tape.

Now many of you might join the research bandwagon to find out what keeps your wife in good humour… But don’t try it out, you may lose many precious hours to find an answer to an unanswerable question!!

Yatindra Tawde

humour

Tearjerkers…

Tears run down Rajesh’s cheeks as he works in the kitchen.

His wife, Radhika, is not at home; busy, trying to maintain her project timelines.

His mother looks at him with concern which is garnished with a tinge of irritation. “Love marriage! Who told you to get into a love marriage?”, she asks, mockingly.

“That girl, Urmila, was so pretty. And being a daughter of my friend, I knew her very well. Such a homely person. I tell you Raju, she was certainly better than this shrew, Radhika!”, she exclaims in frustration.

“But, Mom…”, Rajesh starts saying but hits a road block in the form of his mother’s admonition, “Don’t say a word, you nincompoop. If only you had listened to me that time, Radhika would never have crossed our door step”, she shuts him up.

“You only saw the glamour of Radhika. Arre, not for nothing the elders have said so rightly, Glamour is only skin deep; the real beauty is in the character of a person. But no, you were blinded by Radhika’s beauty and deaf to words of wisdom”, she continues.

Poor Rajesh has had enough. Finally he blurts out, “But Mom, why are you taking it to the extreme. What has Radhika done that makes you so negative about her. She is such a loveable person”

No sooner has he said that, his mother again breaks him off, “Oh my God! You are still under her spell even after attending to kitchen duties half the time. God bless you, my son”, she says sarcastically.

“Mom. You know I am the Chef-in-chief in the most happening Five Star hotel in this city. I love cooking. Why, I would say that I would cook even if Radhika were home. See, the project which she is currently on is very important for her career. So chill, Mom, chill”

“What chill, chill…I can see tears in your eyes. Am I blind? I know how you must be suffering. You are just suffering through a hopeless marriage. And there, Radhika must be enjoying herself, for all you know”
“Come on Mom, can’t you see I am cutting onions. Don’t you cry when you cut onions?”, he says exasperatedly.

“Till now no one has been able to develop tear free onions!”, he exclaims to stress his point.

Which brings us to the subject matter at hand. Yes, finally onions have been developed which won’t make you shed tears like poor Rajesh in above story.

Like we Indians say, “Su-prabhat” when we wish someone good morning, the new onion type is named “Sunion”.

These new type of onions are not genetically modified but have been naturally cross-breeded over a long period of time. The result – a well behaved onion which won’t make you cry. Of course, the downside is that it will be sweeter, milder and less pungent and thus may affect its taste.

In a normal onion, there are volatile chemical compounds which give off a gas immediately on cutting. These compounds form a mild version of sulphuric acid when they come in contact with water in your eyes, which eventually irritates your eyes and makes them water.

However in a Sunion, these volatile compounds are absent making the Sunion sweeter and not a tearjerker.

Of course, getting these new onions in the market will still take a lot of time. Currently they are available only in US of A since they are grown in only two states, Nevada and Washington.

So guys and gals, the day is not far, when you can get rid of those onion cutting goggles which are similar to a welders googles. Just joking!!

Since the launch of Sunions in the market, Radhika and her mother-in-law have reconciled themselves to an uneasy friendship and are busy in the kitchen helping out Rajesh to create newer Sunion based dishes for the home palate.

Now all is quiet on their home front. As Rajesh’s mother rightly says, “If an onion can turn sweeter so can the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Yatindra Tawde

humour, memories, Uncategorized

Common ancestor of humans and …sponges

It’s been proposed by some scientists that many millions of years back, humans and sponges shared a common ancestor! I was shocked on reading this but then I reflected on this surprising theory, and finally I was convinced.

The sponges do not have a digestive, circulatory or nervous system. Instead they depend on water constantly flowing through their body for obtaining food and oxygen and removing wastes. They don’t have tissues and organs and lack body symmetry.

Considering all this I was surprised to read that humans and sponges shared a common ancestor. But then there are many specimen of humans who do share some of the characteristics of sponges.

Let’s see what they are…

Some humans are spineless characters just like the sponges. They lack courage or strength and try to escape any sort of confrontation, especially with their wives. They agree to whatever is decided by their wives, if only to live another day in tranquility.

In the office space, they soak up all the abuse from their bosses just like a sponge. Their only aim is to protect their means of income so that they continue to put food on the table at home.

Some are gutless and lack courage to take decisions. I think everyone knows who they are.

If sponges depend on constant flow of water through their body, some humans depend upon constant flow of alcohol through their body to survive. And miracles miracles! Free flowing alcohol allows them to overcome the above spongy shortcomings, and they are no longer spineless or gutless, albeit for a short time.
And there are quite a few who lack body symmetry with spindly hands and legs but a protruding pot belly.

So folks, when you next see such characters, please remember that a sponge is your sister species, and both of you have a common ancestor.

Yatindra Tawde