Happy hours on Mars

My happiness knows no bounds. A few weeks back I had announced about my ticket to Mars. What? Don’t tell me, you don’t know!

After all, that news broke the internet. You can read about it all, here…A Ticket to Mars

But coming back to the reason for my happiness. As I opened the morning newspaper today, on one of the inside pages, was a news which should ideally have been printed on the cover page. Yes, it really deserved that honour.

One of the leading Beer brands has announced that it is planning to be the first to introduce Beer on Mars. It would certainly make me feel at home.

As you know barley is a key ingredient in the manufacture of beer. So, the next mission to the International Space Station would carry this valuable load of barley seeds to the station, which is being thoughtfully rocketed to the space station by this leading brand. How indebted we astronauts are! After all, nothing beats beer in making us feel at home, in the weightless conditions of deep space.

These barley seeds will then stay in space for a period of one month. Experiments will be conducted to study the effects of the microgravity environment on the seeds. The results of this experiments will be analysed back in Earth and the first steps would have been taken to make Space, a happy place.

And Mars will have the first pioneering potbellied astronauts with a Lager in hand.


Yatindra Tawde

A Ticket to Mars

Over a lakh Indians have registered themselves for the first human mission to Mars. But I was shocked that number of Indians thronging for this path breaking journey are lagging behind the Americans and the Chinese.

Then I came to know that the mission has been initiated by NASA. And the American numbers surged after the recent elections, I don’t know why.

Hopefully they won’t be allowed to carry their guns on the flight. After all they have proved to be very fragile in the mental department, losing their marbles for the slightest of reasons. This mission is bound to test humans to their limits, first in making the long journey and then spending time on the harsh planet, however cocooned they may be from the elements.

The Chinese are second, next only to the Americans. Hopefully they won’t be allowed to manufacture any part of the spaceship nor the Mars adobe. Made in China has a good brand recall…er…product recall. But it won’t be so easy to recall from space neither can the product be use and throw. We don’t want to add to the debris floating around in space. Already lot of junk is going around the earth in various degrees of orbit. Similar thing cannot be allowed to circle around Mars.

Another thing which the Chinese should be barred from, is to provide the food to the would-be astronauts. Indian Chinese food is one thing and reasonably tasty but one cannot say the same thing about Chinese Chinese food. We don’t want to further endanger the insect life on Mother Earth.

And how are the Indians lagging behind? It is said that a Chettan is found in all parts of a globe. But perhaps the people from that particular state have not heard about this mission.

A gregarious , fun loving and a foodie person from one north-western Indian state doesn’t have the patience required for making this long journey, without his shuddh ghee soaked food. And he is more interested in going to Canada.

And a jalebi phafda person will always miss his pure veg food. He will stand in long queues outside the American Embassy for a visa, since he can very well carry his gathiyas to the new country but all this will not be possible in the controlled atmosphere of the spaceship. Hence he has opted out.

The desperate reputation of hormonal males from one well known North Indian city precede them, hence NASA has banned them from the flight.

All of this leaves very few Indians who have opted to go. Mars is going to miss them and it is its loss. After all only Indians can come up with jugaadu solutions, which will be very much required to survive on the red planet.

My jugaad is ready. I am used to the green surroundings on our Earth so I am carrying my goggles with green filters. I am sure to see greenery everywhere on that red Planet.

So, Wish me Bon Voyage, friends…