2 minute noodles…a recipe for divorce

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so goes an old saying. After the first flush of love…nay, after the first lust of love is over, what remains is how a couple look after their roost. While the man is expected to master the intricacies of shopping and help about at home, he expects his wife to look after their children as well as the child in him. Cooking delicious meals for the family is a part of the essential skills which a woman should possess. Of course, nowadays she is also expected to add to the family coffers by going out to work. That’s why women are the goddesses of multitasking.  But that is subject for another writeup.

A man married a suitable girl. She was a complete package, pleasant looks and good education. But what clinched the deal for him was the added information shared by his would-be father-in-law that she was a fast cook; that she could conjure up tasty meals within 2 minutes. Since he was a busy person he was impressed, now that he wouldn’t have to wait for the meals to be prepared.

On their first day together, after a night of frolicking under the sheets, she prepared the first meal, a breakfast in literally 2 minutes. A bowl of noodles! Being totally satiated in the night the man indulged his wife, thinking that she must be tired due to their antics. Then the fun began. A bowl of noodles followed for lunch and rounded off with yet another bowl of noodles for dinner.  And then the cycle continued every day.

Once the passion of early married life evaporated, the man was finally struck by realization. His wife was a one-trick pony. The secret of 2 minute meals was noodles and that’s all that she could prepare  to feed him.

Since she could no longer find a way to his heart through his stomach, he made his decision. He filed for a divorce. To his surprise and relief, the judge too believed in 2 minutes justice and the divorce was granted in a jiffy.

Last heard, the man is looking for a new wife and his only condition is for her to be a great cook serving a variety to the satisfaction of his culinary tastes.

Yatindra Tawde



Many young men see the larger than life movies and imagine themselves to be the main protagonists living the high life, romancing some damsel in distress and when time permits, saving the world on the side. Of course, no one wants to be the protagonist in the ‘Contagion’ or other such disaster movie.

But this is exactly what has happened to many of them. However if they are not from the medical field or from the police or from the essential service fields, then they belong to the humble WFH category. 

WTF, they are either WFH or WAH category. While everyone knows WFH, which is, Work From Home, what is WAH, one might ask. 

While the Indian WAH, is an exclamation of admiration for something or someone, an English WAH is a cry of fright or a cry of distress. I remember that in the comics which I read in my childhood, a crying baby always had an expanding bubble pointing towards itself, which went ‘waahh…’, to show that it is crying.

So, in these COVID times, WAH is WORK AT HOME, a syndrome affecting all households due to the disappearance of the MAID. While the ladies of the house were equally affected, it really brought out the English meaning for their not so better halfs, atleast in India. 

In most households in India, where ladies are also the earning members, they were used to managing their household responsibilities with loads of help from the maids. However one fine day, the maids stopped coming and the ladies were cooped up inside the house with their not so better halfs. This was a recipe for disaster. 

While for both of them, WFH was manageable, it was WAH which stretched and tested their relationship to the fullest. 

While some of the not so better halfs remained on the disaster path of not WAH, many of them decided to, or maybe, were left with no option but to help their better halfs to WAH effectively. 

So this is a story of one of those who chose the second option and his discoveries around the house. A house he usually returned to, late at night to eat dinner and sleep, only to rush off in the morning, with a half eaten breakfast.

Discovery 1 – human beings shed hair more than their pets, and those hair are the most difficult to sweep from the floor. Such hair has the uncanny ability to jump over the approaching broom, with atleast two sommersaults and rush back to where it was resting in the first place. So there is no option but to pick up the hair between two fingers, which is easier said than done.

Discovery 2 – many things which you forgot, ever existed in your house, are to be found below the bed, especially if it is having a very low floor clearance. One of my friends found a cassette long after the cassette player had been dumped recently. 

Discovery 3 – sweeping the floor is a very good exercise, if done meditatively. If it is done superficially nothing good will come out of it. Neither the floor will be clean nor your haunches will be strong. But if you use the mop, your forearms will be stronger.

Discovery 4 – washing clothes in a washing machine takes loads of time, especially if you wait for it. My friend finished the entire Da Vinci Code by the time the washing was over. And then, untangling the clothes from each other was much more mysterious than untangling the plotline.

Discovery 5 – the progress from a map of a country to a round shape was hastened due to the lockdown. I am talking about the shape of the humble chapati. It is a much more intricate job than sculpting an idol from stone. But a few have already given up and delegated that job to their better halfs. While a few of them are happy with their foresight, when they had decided to buy that chapati making machine.

Discovery 6 – transferring the chapati from the board to the pan is another skill altogether. The first many times are spent in retrieving the chapati parts from the pan and reimagining them into another round shape. As some great personalities have wondered, why should it always be round and not any other better manageable shape. Randomness in shape is more welcome, after all, variety is the name of the game, when it comes to food.

Discovery 7 – keeping up the constant movement of the chapati on the pan is a very important aspect otherwise one might end up with eating a crunchy, hard one instead of a soft, easily munchable one.

Discovery 8 – one day, the time comes when your better half feels confident to pass on the fine art of kneading the dough to you. Please brace for this day, as it is bound to happen sooner than later. So there you are, trying to balance the atta and the water with just a pinch of oil, in exact proportion so that it progresses from powder stage to a dough stage, without much of overflow spillage onto the kitchen platform. One of my friends discovered that it has all the characteristics of clay, and when the better half was not looking, made the most hideous dolls from it. When she finally saw his shenanigans, a shriek escaped her mouth followed by a swoon to the ground. His temple still displays the bump, just above his left eye, where she swung the roller in her hand and made contact, as she went down.

So on and so forth the discoveries will go on. I welcome my fellow not so better halfs, to contribute their own discoveries and help the WAH club. Why, even the better halfs can contribute too.

Will you be the English WAH or the Indian WAH, that is the million dollar question.

Yatindra Tawde

The Smart House

Nowadays all builders compete with each other to offer smart houses to their customers. For each new smart facility offered, the customer gets burdened by one more crore. No house is now available below a crore or two.


One day a DINK couple, who were in need of a abode to call their own, went to a reputed builder’s office. Now don’t ask me what is a DINK couple; it’s DOUBLE INCOME NO KIDS, sillies! 


They were ushered into a plush office. Like a goat who is offered the choicest grasses to eat, before it is butchered, similarly the couple was offered the choicest wine 🍷. 


The DINK were impressed!


The Sales Representative of the builder, in impeccable English, floored them with the list of amenities, on offer. In addition to the usual amenities like a enviable club house, table tennis tables, badminton court, a tennis court, pool table, a fully furnished gymnasium, and a Olympic size swimming pool, what clinched the deal for the DINK, was the offer of the SMART HOUSE. They requested the sales representative to show them their dream house. That’s when the fun started!


When they, along with the sales representative reached the door of the smart flat, an energetic wave 🙋 by the sales representative, with a big smile on his face, opened the door of the flat. The couple was looking at him quizically, when he replied, “A scanner is installed on the door, which scans your smiling face and detects the wave movement. When you move into the house, all the existing master data in the scanner will be deleted, and your smiling face will be saved in the scanner. And we will teach you the proper wave movements”. 


Still reeling from this information, the couple followed the salesman inside. Once inside, the salesman clapped once and the lights came on. He gave them the information that, clapping once puts the lights on & clapping twice shuts off the lights. And when you want to just enjoy, like on weekends, you perform a jig, which starts the disco lights. We will teach you the jig, when you make the down payment.


The DINK couple was feeling flustered and a little hot under the collar. They requested the salesman to put on the AC. The salesman promptly went to a corner and winked! Immediately the AC came on. Then he showed them how to increase or decrease the room temperature… You twist your fingers in clockwise direction and the temperature will increase and anti clockwise to decrease.


Feeling a little weak in their knees, they looked around for a place to sit… there was non. The salesman sensed this, he extended his hand towards a wall and did a pulling gesture…a sofa started pushing out of the wall!! Seeing this, the couple just plonked themselves on the sofa. 


The man was thinking, “how I wish I get a cup of tea 🍵”. Immediately, from the direction of the kitchen, a shadow emerged! This was a robot, which was a cross between R2D2 and Chewbacca (Star wars fans will know). This contraption was carrying a steaming cup of tea! “This is the clincher in this smart house. Your own butler, who never sleeps and always at the mind call… You think of any requirement, and he appears like a genie”. 


The DINK couple was zapped… Both of them were thinking… what will happen if I have some romantic thoughts. They shuddered to even think about it.


Suddenly the man got up, and asked for the way to the loo. As he entered inside, the lights came on. OK, this was normal… But, then the pot cover went up and “Welcome! Please use water sparingly. After ‘download’, please delete your history. No one else should have access to your history. Thank you for using me”. 


On hearing this, all thoughts of ‘downloading’ vanished from the man’s mind and he rushed out. He asked the salesman, “can we mute the toilet?”. Unfortunately, this facility was not available.


After looking at the entire house, as they were exiting out of the house, the door ejected a very pungent odour. Confused by this, the lady asked, “now what is the meaning of this”. The salesman behaved as if he had not heard. So the man asked the same question again.


This time the salesman cleared his throat and answered, “The SMART HOUSE has identified you as very dumb, and rejected you as its owners”.


So folks, say good riddance to SMART HOUSES and save your sanity.


Yatindra Tawde

The Conveyor bed

I see 2 suitcases on the airport conveyor belt, side by side. They are lost in their own little world. There is no other suitcase to disturb them. Bliss, it is. The two of them glide in slow motion on the well oiled conveyor belt. The gentle drone of the conveyor belt is very soothing to their ears. Their movement is like a ballet on tip toes, the two complementing each other in the exquisite dance.

But hey!

Why is one of the suitcases hogging the space of the other, suddenly. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. The conveyor belt takes over.

It tilts to one side…and… Rajesh wakes up.

As he rubs his eyes and they adjust to the surrounding darkness, he realises what has happened.

He was dreaming and has just experienced the working of his new bed. Or rather, their new bed. Means, his and his wife’s, Radha’s…

When Radha had seen the advertisement, she had insisted on buying it. The bed that is. The feature which clinched the deal in its favour was the conveyor belt.

What’s a conveyor belt doing on a twin bed, you might ask.

Well, it’s function is to separate the two people sleeping on the bed, so that either one doesn’t hog the space of the other.

Its another matter that a twin bed shared by a husband and wife duo, is primarily meant for few shenanigans, where both are supposed to occupy the least space on the bed. But when it’s over and sleep overcomes two tired souls, they would like to occupy their own sides of the twin bed so that their beauty sleep is not disturbed.

And Radha loves her sleep too much to think about her husband, Rajesh’s, sentiments. Hence the bed is in their room. The same bed which has pushed Rajesh, back to his own half of the bed.

It sensed the additional weight of Rajesh in Radha’s bed space, and got to work. The conveyor belt started, it tilted towards the space originally occupied by Rajesh and rolled him over to his own half.

Yes, such a prototype has been made for whatever it is worth and not in the market for sale. So everyone can relax.

Yatindra Tawde