Author: itsmylife126

I like to write whatever comes to mind. I don't stick to any particular topic. I write for my own satisfaction and am sure that you will also like what I write

The Rampwalk

On By itsmylife126In humourLeave a comment

 First published on ArtoonsInn

The name is Rocky, you must have heard about me. I am a famous runner and last year’s winner of the annual races which take place near Pune. In fact I have won these races three years in a row.

When I enter the arena the crowd goes berserk with whistles and claps. I make their adrenaline flow. I am just itching to be at the races this year too, wearing my favourite silk clothes, lovingly woven for me by my mother.

But hey! What is this I hear? The races this year are being canceled just because of some wave! Guys, this is Pune, no wave can reach so far inland. But then the authorities who give the permissions are serious. They don’t want any deaths due to waves, they say. The race organizers are exasperated.  But their hands are tied and they are forced to announce the cancelation.

I sulk…but I sulk well. Seeing me sulking in a corner, hardly chewing the cud, my brother Pandurang Patil has a brilliant idea. He knows that I thrive on spectator feedback and his ticking brain comes up with an unique idea. He discusses with the organizers and a day is decided. And my practice starts in preparation for the D-day.

Finally the day dawns. I am bathed from head to toe. The oil massage is a luxury. I enjoy being pampered thus.

Like every year my mother dresses me in the best silks. I enter the arena. As I enter, I look at the camera mounted near the entry and nod my head in acknowledgement, just like brother Pandurang has taught me. In fact it is he, dressed in his best clothes, who is leading me to the arena. I hear whistles and claps though no one can be seen.

A long, clean walkway stretches before me. The walkway is bedecked with flower petals. As all cameras point towards the walkway, Pandurang leads me along the red carpet. I walk majestically behind him, my head held high. As we reach the end of the walkway,  Pandurang turns around. As I follow him, I see other fellow runners,  walking behind me.

Yes, you guessed it right. We are the models on a rampwalk, not seen before in these parts of India. But as they say, there’s always the first time and soon I am declared the winner of the rampwalk competition.

Pandurang is ecstatic with my win, especially since it has fetched him a handsome reward of Rs. 50,000/-

 

Friends, that’s how the annual cattle races were successfully converted to online rampwalk where the bulls walked and everyone enjoyed the gathering online, without crowding at the races, like every year. The  bull owners too were satisfied, especially given the fact that they take these annual races seriously, where preparations start atleast three months in advance.

And what about the bulls, you ask? Well, they moo’ed their way to online glory, without breaking into a sweat.

Yatindra Tawde

Picture credit- Anand Thakur and unsplash.com

When the snake bit

On By itsmylife126In humourLeave a comment

First published on The Hive Publishers

A snake committed sacrilege by biting the Demi-God of millions of Bollywood fans and it became trending news for days together. But the Demi-God overcame this setback, very much like the innumerable larger than life characters he plays with aplomb,  on the silver screen.

It so happened that the Demi-God was visiting his farmhouse, which happens to be his second home, and stumbled upon the snake enjoying the cozy abode in the Hero’s absence. Being the hero that he is, he decided to take matters into his own, capable hands instead of calling ‘Friends of reptiles’ who specialize in catching such vagabond reptiles and releasing them into fast depleting jungles. The Hero, being inexperienced in such matters, fumbled with the slithering snake, which bit him not once but thrice. And hopefully it managed to survive this love bite. There is a huge debate going on, whether it was poisonous or not. As per the Hero himself, it was of poisonous orientation.

Meanwhile, some four-legged creatures were found celebrating this unfortunate incident in their parched jungle but the celebrations were short-lived as the jungle authorities cracked down on them by releasing the video of the Hero’s triumphant release from the hospital, waving and throwing air kisses to his umpteen fans.

Last heard, the four-legged creatures have gone into hiding, staying far away from the windshield vision of the Hero.

Yatindra Tawde

Photo credit – David Code, unsplash.com

A Robber in lake city

On By itsmylife126In humourLeave a comment

First published on The Hive Publishers

When you see pigeons near your balcony or window, indulging in indecent behaviour or generally being noisy, your first reaction is to shoo them away. They are also known for creating abstract designs on the ledges and windows and you don’t want to waste your work-from-home valuable time in erasing their deeds. In addition to being gross, in these times of reduced immunity, you don’t want another reason for the spread of diseases.

In the good old days the pigeons were not seen as pests. They were said to be messengers of love. Why, Bhagyashree from ‘Maine Pyar kiya’, sent her first love note to her Saajan, Salman, using this very kabootar (vernacular for pigeon). In it, the pigeon hogged the camera in an entire song. Coming to think of it, Bhagyashree didn’t want it to stay with herself much longer,  but entreated it to ‘Ja, ja, ja…’ .

Pigeons were also used as spies or undercover agents in the wars of olden times and some of them enjoyed Knighthood too.

Recently I came to know that in the former city of lakes (I say former because nowadays the lakes froth with pollutants which don’t look pretty), the pigeon indulged in crime. Or were made to indulge in crimes perpetrated by one extra-imaginative criminal.

He bought some innocent looking pigeons to his targeted neighborhood. During day time, he released them. As is their second nature, they flew and settled on the balconies in the neighborhood. Our extra-imaginative friend would then pay a visit to such flats and ask for his escaped pet. The flat owners would let him in to collect his pet and this was their undoing. While being in the house he would scan for expensive appliances and soon the flat owners were poorer by a few lacs.

Last heard, the said criminal is behind bars and the pigeons (but nobody’s pets) have been added to a burgeoning population of their own species in the former city of lakes.

Yatindra Tawde

Airavata – an anthology of short stories

On By itsmylife126In Book introductionLeave a comment

Show your love for Airavata, an anthology of short stories.

My story, ‘Little Gobu’, is a part of this anthology.

A effort by many and love by you all.

Yes,you heard it 🐘

Airavata is up and is available on #Kindle

Paperback will be available soon too..

A journey by 40+ authors, edited by @deeptisharma06 @preetismanaktala @shristeesingh
Foreword by SiddharthSatpathy

Published by @ukiyotopublishinghouse

In association with @pachydermtales

Grab your copy
It’s a first publishing project by @storieswithmayaakatha

Mayaakathawherestoriesdance

Mayaakatha, where Stories dance

A match made in kitchen

On By itsmylife126In humourLeave a comment

It is said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Since I am not a foodie, I don’t understand this statement. Man always likes ‘Maa-ke-hath-ka-khaana’ more, more so, after marriage. Though, of course, he is not in a position to admit it openly, for obvious reasons.

Ricardo is waiting for his wife to serve him hot, tasty rice like she always does. He just loves her for that. In fact, he married her impressed by this quality of hers. That and the fact that she was very obedient. And he could brag to his friends that his wife was so hot.

 

Four days gone and Ricardo is feeling restless. Have I rushed into marriage,  he thinks to himself. All the qualities which endeared her to him, now seem to be a bane.

She can only cook rice, however hot it might be. Zilch variety there. Yes, she is obedient,  but her obedience is only if he asks her to cook rice, not for anything else.  Yes, she is hot, but only when she is cooking rice. As soon as the rice is done, and he has had his meal, she is back to being cold and going off to sleep.

So by the time his dinner is finished, Ricardo has made his decision. He decides to divorce his wife of a full 4 days.

This story is not a figment of my imagination but a real one which took place in Indonesia recently. After it had grabbed some space in newspapers and the omnipresent social media, it was revealed that the man in Indonesia had married his rice cooker in an elaborate ceremony because of its qualities of cooking great meals for him whenever he felt like having rice, without making much noise except perhaps some whistles. But within 4 days he divorced it because it never cooked anything else. And he did all this only to grab some social media fame.

 

What ridiculous gimmicks are being resorted to nowadays, to grab likes and visibility on social media. What has life come to? And people are actually spending valuable time on writing about such ridiculous happenings in their blogs. Like me for instance… Yatindra Tawde

Catch-22 – A Book Review

On By itsmylife126In book review, Fiction, humourLeave a comment

Book title – Catch-22

Author – Joseph Heller
Publisher – Vintage Books

No. Of pages – 570

The novel starts without much fanfare and I was unsure whether I would have the patience to read through all the 570 pages of it. But I pushed on and was I glad I did that.

The novel is a kaleidoscope of genres. If there is the silliest of humour, it is balanced by profound life lessons sprinkled throughout. The tragedy of a violent war is apparent throughout.

The scene changes skilfully from silly banter between fellow soldiers to a sudden struggle for survival.

The soldiers grapple for a semblance of sanity with death waiting around the corner. They try to live their lives, enjoying the few moments of illicit pleasure with gay abandon.

In all this mayhem of war, the author expertly captures the entire gamut of human frailties and characteristics, ranging from total avarice to total innocence.

The mentions of praise on the back cover of this bulky novel includes the following one, “Not only the best novel to come out of the war but the best novel to come out of anywhere in years”, by Nelson Algren. Though one may not agree wholeheartedly with this, but there is no doubt that every serious reader should have certainly read this one, once in his/her life.

Yatindra Tawde

 

Trail XIII – The Path to Perdition , a book review

On By itsmylife126In book review, horrorLeave a comment

Book title – Trail XIII – The Path to Perdition

Author – Various
Publisher – The Hive

The Hive are back to what they do best; frighten you out of your wits. And they are back to the ideal format, an anthology of 13 blood curdling stories. I always feel,  a compilation of 13 to 15 stories is ideal for an anthology.

Coming to the individual stories, there are quite a few which are page turners. Some of my favorites were –

 

A Legend of truth by Monica Singh – what seems like different stories of different characters are finally tied together in a crescendo of violence, after jumping different timeliness. The author has grip over her narration and never lets the story wander from it’s finale. A master story teller.

Summer Solstice by Srivalli Rekha – the author sticks to her strength, a fantasy of witches and normal people, at loggerheads with each other. And no guesses for who wins in the end. Srivalli weaves a tale which hypnotises you with unique characters and fantastical settings.

Look into my eyes by Anshu Bhojnagarwala – this story gave me the shivers every time the ghostly figure made an appearance. Something about child ghosts which gave me goosebumps. I can easily say, this is the best story by the author till date, atleast from all the stories from the author, which I have read till now.

Click Click, Bang Bang by Shankar Hosagoudar – the classic Shakespearean language, the old English setting and how the story unfolds to its gruesome finale  make it a must read. Great research by the author in churning out a masterpiece.

Mother Promise by Prachi Sharma – I had never read a story from the author before and was impressed with the way the story unfolded to its tragic climax in so few words. Another gem from the anthology.

The Dante House by Varadharajan Ramesh – Varadharajan never fails to surprise you and he succeeds with this story as well. The way the story unfolds and the twist introduced, surprises and shocks you.

Redivivus by Benjamin Wylde – the goriest and bloodiest story of this anthology, please read it on an empty stomach. Hats off to the author’s gory imagination.

Nani & the Shadows by Ell P – a good, engaging story but this time I found it a bit bland from what Ell P is usually capable of. She is capable of frightening you out of your senses but this story can be read at midnight.

The Seer by Richard Beauchamp – the international writers in this anthology are contributing excessive blood and gore and this story is as gruesome as one can imagine.

Insidious Thoughts by Angel Whelan – the author takes you through the psychological disintegration of the protagonist to its violent climax with great,  storytelling skills.

The Voice by Priya U Bajpai – a good story, it’s another one which brings down the gore as compared to some of the others in this anthology.

I would safely say, this is the best offering from The Hive till now and they really excel at frightening and thrilling the reader.

Go for it. It’s available on Amazon, Kindle as well as paperback.

Yatindra Tawde

 

 

 

Neel Sayantani

On By itsmylife126In FictionLeave a comment

First published on ArtoonsInn

The Queen Mother had made up her mind. Her daughter, the beautiful, almond eyed Sayantani, wouldn’t marry any mere mortal King. Though pleasantly plump, her eyes were like madhushala. Anyone who met her gaze would drown in their depths and become delirious with ecstasy. She had that effect. Yes, her daughter was fit only for the King of Celestials. Little did she know her daughter had other plans.

Princess Sayantani sat near the Palace pond contemplating on her next move. Her mother, the Queen, had been quite vocal about getting her married to the King of Celestials. Though she had nothing against him, in fact she found him truly handsome, she had lost her heart to Neel, the King of Sopara. And that too, without meeting him in person. She sat there, moving her fingers through the tranquil water, she smiled to herself as she reminisced on her long-distance romance.

 

 

“Your Majesty! All hail the Supreme Ruler”, cried the Resident Rishi, Rishi Chakrapani as he kneeled before his young King, King Neel.

King Neel who was staring into the distance, standing at the Jharokha, turned around to face his favourite Rishi, who doubled as a scientist.

“Guru Chakrapani. I have pleaded with you so many times, not to embarrassed me so, with this formal greeting every time you meet me. But you have decided to torture me. Afterall I am like your son. You can call me Neel. Anyway, what brings you here? I can see that you are all flushed and excited. Seems to me that you have made some fantastic discovery again.” King Neel smiles and gestured the Rishi to sit before him.

“You may be my son’s age, but O King, you are our Protector and Benefactor. And I am but, a common citizen, just fortunate enough to barge into your chambers without seeking permission.” Rishi Chakrapani had uttered this dialogue with the King many times before with slight variations. Then he continued.

“Yes, King Neel. I do have something exciting. You know how these small unmanned flying objects (UFO) are being used by our enemies to spy on us. Well, today we were able to capture one such UFO. And guess what we stumbled upon? It was by one of the far-off lands, the Kingdom of Nisargapatnam.”

“Kingdom of Nisargapatnam? Isn’t that the same Kingdom whose Princess is known to be an enchantress. What’s her name? Sayan…yes, Sayantani.” The King’s eyes sparkled as he said this.

“Yes, the same one, Your Highness. And finally, today you will be able to have a look at her image. Let’s go to the Karyashala.” The Rishi was brimming with excitement.

“What…but…how?”, the King was blabbering like a love-lorn teenager. And he was yet to see her image.

“The UFO was dismantled. It was decoded with great difficulty. But why am I telling you all this? Let’s rush to the karyashala.” The Rishi was insistent.

“Okay, at your service Sir”, and keeping his hand around the Rishi’s shoulder, he accompanied the Rishi to the Karyashala.

The Karyashala didn’t look like any other laboratory. Due to the extreme OCD of Rishi Chakrapani, different disciplines were divided into different sections. Thus there were different cabins for research on botany, metals, fauna, geology, etc. and each was labelled neatly. But the Rishi guided the King to the Technology section. Being the latest technological development on the bhumandala, intercepted UFO’s of various kingdoms, enemies as well as friends, occupied most of the space.

The junior Rishi standing near a workbench moved aside as soon as he sensed the presence of The King and Rishi Chakrapani. A silk cloth covered something on the bench.

Rishi Chakrapani proceeded to remove the cloth to reveal an ochre coloured UFO. The Rishi gestured the King to move forward. As soon as the King laid his eyes on the dismantled UFO, he exhaled in delight. For it displayed the image of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

“Princess Sayantani”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Princess Sayantani it is. But we have not yet been able to decode, how was this technological marvel achieved. Seems, the Rishis of Nisargapatnam are far ahead of us, in their technological prowess.”

The King was still enraptured by the beautiful image. It revealed a pleasantly plump countenance, half hidden behind waves of brown hair cascading over her face. The one eye which was visible, hinted a smile which flirted with the beholder. The King stole his gaze away from beautiful image in front of him with great difficulty.

“Rishi Chakrapani! Are you sure there is no hidden agenda in sharing this beautiful image? Why would any Kingdom want to share the image of their Princess with the world? And that too, of one so beautiful.” While the King was sounding a word of caution, his choked voice gave away his emotional state. An emotion called love.

“No, Your Majesty. We have checked the UFO for all known bugs. There is none. Though I cannot conjecture on their motives.” The Rishi was assuring his besotted King.

“Well, Rishi Chakrapani, it’s time for us to show the Rulers of Nisargapatnam, our own technological prowess, isn’t it”, smiled the King.

“Your wish, our command Sir. What do you want me to do?” The King just smiled in reply. Then he replied, “Rishi Chakrapani, I want you to…”

 

 

The Rishi at Nisargapatnam smiled. No one had been able to deduce the bug in their UFO. The listening device planted on one binding screw of the UFO had done it’s job discreetly. The slight inflections heard in King Neel’s voice had given away his besotted state. While his word of caution to Rishi Chakrapani proved that he was a responsible King who wouldn’t get swayed by emotions while ruling his Kingdom. She had found the perfect match for the Kingdom’s Princess, nee Rishi Sayantani. An invitation for the swayamvara was dispatched on that very day to the King of Sopara by the Rishi, nay, Princess Sayantani herself. An invitation alongwith the most important accessory. An accessory presented to a suitor when the decision had been made by a Princess on her would-be husband before the actual swayamvara.

 

Another invitation for the swayamvara reached the King of Celestials, courtesy the Queen of Nisargapatnam. The image of the Princess which accompanied the invitation made even the King of Celestials, to miss a heartbeat. He hadn’t seen a more beautiful girl. The Apsaras adorning his Palace would be jealous of their new queen.

 

 

The elite spy of the King of Celestials ambled towards his Palace. Whatever the nature of the news for the King of Celestials, the elite spy always remained cucumber cool. The clip-clop of his paduka announced his arrival inside the private chamber of the King of Celestials. But he loved to announced himself in his own style. He always took the name of that benevolent Celestial twice, the one who had first identified his spying capabilities.

“Welcome, O Banarada! What brings you to my humble abode?”, enquired the King of Celestials.

“O King of Celestials. My salutations to you. I have some cautionary news for you. The Noble King Neel of Sopara has also been invited to the swayamvara. He is currently the most loved King on the entire Bhumandala. And that’s not all. He is also the epitome of manliness. His chiselled features, the scar at the corner of his mouth enhances his masculinity. He is your most complete competitor, a likeness of  the Celestials themselves”, so said the spy of the Celestials.

“Bah! Celestial-like? What do you mean by chiselled features? Afterall, the King of Celestials is sitting before you. Don’t you worry. The beautiful Princess is sure to put the varmala around my neck.” boasted the King of Celestials.

“Na, na, na. Don’t be so confident, O King of Celestials. Don’t underestimate the power of a girl in love. She has already selected King Neel as the most eligible suitor. She won’t even notice your presence at the swayamvara, however handsome you may be.” And with that warning he excused himself from the presence of The King of Celestials.

The King of Celestials’s thoughts were now truly clouded with doubts. Is it really possible that any maiden would select someone else in his presence? No, it’s not possible. This had never occurred before. But…but…Banarada had never been proven wrong till now. No, I cannot allow this to happen. If she cannot be mine, she cannot be someone else’s. Even the King of Celestials fell prey to base human fallacies like jealousy sometimes.

 

 

The day of the Swayamvara dawned. The King of Celestials dressed in the newly conjured up silk attire making him look resplendent like the shining Sun. He didn’t want to leave any stone unturned to achieve his aim. He strode towards his flying chariot to make the journey to Bhumandala. Though he always preferred his Regal White Limousine, today the flying chariot was his choice.

He zoomed down towards the Swayamvara venue. As soon as the flying chariot neared ground level, he saw many other Suitors in their finest clothing and adorned in the choicest jewellery, rushing towards the same destination. Then he saw him.

King Neel. Standing ramrod erect in his speeding chariot, he appeared the epitome of masculine grace. His muscles taut, his sweating torso glistened n the morning sun. When the King of Celestials espied him hurtling across the landscape, he knew he was the one. He put his plan in place. His entire body vibrated inside the flying chariot, his face grimaced, and when things settled down, he was King Neel! And he zoomed towards the venue at faster speed.

 

 

The swayamvara hall was packed with invitees, the suitors as well as others invited to watch the celebrations and bless the couple. Finest silks fell from the walls and waved in the occasional gusts of wind. Beautiful traditional designs were made on the floor with nothing but differently coloured fresh flowers. The Suitors tried to appear cool but were certainly a bit stressed. And while everyone else was having a gala time, enjoying the delicacies on offer, an UFO had landed in the inner depths of the Palace.

Princess Sayantani had no difficulty in accessing the contents of the small UFO. As soon as she opened it, she was overcome by pleasant sensations. She knew what it was and what she was supposed to do. Soon she had used up every bit of the special contents and was ready for the swayamvara.

 

 

It was time for the event for which everyone had congregated. The Swayamvara. The Suitors were all standing near the chairs allotted to them. Princess Sayantani strode confidently through the hall, her eyes searching for only one. Her eyes met with the eyes of all Suitors and then moved on.

Suddenly her eyes fell upon the one to whom she had lost her heart. The rest of the hall was now a blur. Her pace quickened. As did her heartbeat. But as she approached him, she felt something amiss. Her steps faltered but she pulled herself ahead. Then she saw him. Again. Just a few yards ahead of King Neel. Another King Neel? An imposter? But…but how was this possible? Still she continued to walk. As she walked further, her confidence returned as she felt the attraction irresistible.

She crossed the smiling, first King Neel, reached the second one, and in one swift, graceful movement she had placed the varmala around him. Not a nerve twitched on the face of the first King Neel. The hall was stunned. Why were there two King Neels’? And who among them was the imposter? The one who had been ignored or the one who now stood beside the Princess. The Princess appeared sure of her choice.

A gasp went around the hall, as the first King Neel strode out of the hall in quick strides, perhaps wanting to avoid the gaze of the entire hall, which he felt was only pitying him.

 

The wedding between the made for each other couple was celebrated for the next 2 days by the entire Kingdom of Nisargapatnam and their guests while the Queen sulked. A wedding helped on its way in no small measure by the exchange of pheromones hitching a ride on the UFO’s and the technological expertise of two ancient Indian Kingdoms.

 

 

The King of Celestials is in a sullen mood. But he gloats. He has made all arrangements to make hell out of a married couple’s life. A couple whose love triumphed over all his desperate shenanigans. And someone must repent for that, isn’t it?

 

 

Glossary :

Neel Sayantani – influenced by the story of Nal-Damayanti, I hope not to have made a mess out of it

Madhushala – a place for getting drunk

Sopara – a Kingdom in ancient India

Nisargapatnam – another Kingdom in ancient India?

Rishi – a learned elder (scientist?) in ancient india

Jharokha – a window

Small UFO – means a drone for this story

Karyashala – a laboratory

OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Bhumandala – Earth

Apsaras – celestial nymphets

Paduka – footwear

Varmala – a flower garland

Aliens Indeed

On By itsmylife126In humourLeave a comment

 

The cute fellows waddle across the snow in their funny walk. They are Romeo and Juliet. If one didn’t know better, you would mistake them for lawyers in their black coats. Well not really. The lawyers don’t look cute from any angle. Is that a politically incorrect statement? I don’t know.

T०he two of them serenade each other, Juliet smiling coyly at Romeo. Suddenly Adam remembers, or rather his overworked intestines remember that he has had a bit too much to eat and he feels the sudden urge. Giving a constipated smile to Eve, Adam excuses himself, finds his lonely spot and relieves himself. He is done and dusted but here’s where the dominant species called a Human makes his appearance. 

He takes a sample of the droppings and Lo and Behold. He has found traces of a chemical which has extra-terrestrial origins. A chemical known as Phosphine.

And where is Phosphine mainly found? It is found on the planet Venus. Or more correctly, it is found in the layers of gas surrounding the planet Venus.

Now, the Humans speculate that, since the droppings are of Penguins, the Romeo and Juliet of our story, the Penguins must be aliens.

So friends, it was a myth that Women are from Venus. It was the Penguins all along.

 

Yatindra Tawde

Image courtesy- unsplash.com and Paul Carroll